somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
