hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
