i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
