I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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