I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
