I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
