im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
