Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
