Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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