Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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