eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
