bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
