Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
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