Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
