but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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