Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
