Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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