i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
two words...techno handjob
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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