I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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