Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
