i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
