I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize