The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
