he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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