I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
