our cab driver is having phone sex.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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