by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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