That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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