Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
