I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
