You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize