every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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