drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
