I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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