At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
