two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
