Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
