Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
