don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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