There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
