I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
