My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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