Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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