Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
