He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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