I am spending my child support on dildos
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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