How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
