Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
