wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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