This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize