drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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