grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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