I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
