You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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