She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
