In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
