you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
