Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
