so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
