He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
