thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
