Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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