My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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