Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So much rum. So many feels.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
