we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
