member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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