I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
