I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
